March 23, 2010
Happier times
I was just looking at an empty wine bottle sitting on the kitchen counter. It reminded me of simpler times when it would be utilized as a decorative piece, sticking a candle in it and lighting it up at night. University days when it’d be used to hold flowers, the ones that got picked outside – it didn’t matter that it was really weeds and dandelions, it was the simplicity of it that made it so sweet.
I just turned 38 a few days ago and how sad I feel reflecting on my life. I’m almost 40 and don’t have much to show as to how I’ve lived my life. Two beautiful daughter – check, a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally – check. Financial stability would be a great birthday present. The worry and stress that comes with this little glitch in our life is overwhelming. Just got a notice from the bank that the Geek is responsible for paying back the debt on his business line of credit which is an absurd amount of money. Sure, they are giving us 24 months to pay it back but where the hell are we going to get the money to pay it?!?! It is the last portion of the debt we owe but oh my goodness I can’t take this shit anymore! It’s one thing to have to live off student loans entirely and try to make it for a family of four (single students who have no family get exactly the same amount of loan money as we do) but to have to do this at the same time we are trying to tread our head above the water, it’s too much!!!
It is times like this I get a little resentful at the Geek. I know it’s not his fault for all of this happening but at the same time, I am upset he picked this time to pursue another career. The constant moving, financial burden, the adjustments, making and leaving friends, not seeing family as often as we’d like, the stress, and all the other stuff, it gets extremely suffocating. I know the Geek carries a lot weight on his shoulders too. But I am ready to be done with all of this.
I get into these ridiculous thoughts – like how come all these celebrities just throw money away on useless shit and if only one would take mercy and help us out. But then in reality, I know that will NEVER happen. So now looking for options. We’re begging the bank to extend the maturity of the credit line and hope they’ll work with us. He didn’t get a straight answer when he talked to the manager but we expect to hear back tomorrow. I guess if the bank wants their money then they’ll work with us. I don’t know what else to say. We don’t have anything – they can’t take anything except his good credit. Sigh…. sigh…. sigh….
Tell me it’ll get better. [[[[[[STRESS]]]]]]
kp said,
March 23, 2010 at 11:12 pm
It will get better. Hang in there a little bit longer. He’s going to have a great career and these struggles will not only have made you stronger, but more grateful of all of the abundance that you will have.